In Love with Life…

                         Finally, a quiet moment to write, after some hectic weeks of meeting deadlines, scheduling and rescheduling business travels (and couldn’t go anyway), and sure enough, answering to boss (who is retired a few days ago) and boss’s boss (who demands direct explanation after boss’ retirement) about how everything is going. Adrenaline has been high lately, and I feel just fine. Hmm, I think I love my job so deep that I don’t mind suffering the consequences (say that again?:-P). Anyway, I’m glad now I can relax a little, take a deep breath, close my eyes, and figure out some more plans in my mind.

            What a life. After all ups and downs along the way, finally I reached another clear stage.  The relief and comforts have been pampering me for some time, dragging me deeper into self satisfaction. Can’t even imagine what else I should ask. I live a life beyond my expectation – with everything I need (thank you, Lord), and everything I want. Actually, almost everything I want… (there we go again, and I still believe that I am not hard to satisfy:-P).

            I want to get out of this comfort zone. Not because I don’t treasure it, nor because I am not grateful for having it, but because I have to do something with my life. This comfort zone provides me with stability, yet the stagnancy starts to disturb me. I am not going anywhere. As far as job concerns, I have been given a lavish opportunity that some said is too early (been working hard to prove otherwise), and I don’t dare to expect more in the near future. As for everything else, I think I am doing pretty well. I have no complaints whatsoever about anything – most of them are controllable; those that are not are manageable. I can say that my life now is in perfect balance.

            However, I know a time like this will happen again; a time when I want to break the balance and push myself to the limit, testing how far I can go. It is not the time yet for me to stay in such stagnant state of being, no matter how peaceful it is. If I live long enough to grow old and gray, maybe I will fight for it, even make believe that it’s still there while it is not anymore (I hope I am still allowed the ability to distinguish facts from twisted memories, if I must live that long). But for now, I don’t want to make it permanent.

            So, this is what I intend to do: I am stepping out the comfort zone. Now I must do everything in my power to ensure that this decision is worth making. And when the countdown begins… let come what may come. It seems that the days of high adrenaline are still far from the end.

April 11, 2008
Dreaming with eyes wide open.

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